My sister knows that I watch her get undressed.

My sister knows that I watch her get undressed. And today, I emerged for the finale.

I always love having dinner at my cousin's

I always love having dinner at my cousin's house.

My step-sister has been shit-talking white

My step-sister has been shit-talking white guys of late, so I had to set her straight on a few things.

"No honey, I haven't seen our niece anywhere."

Turns out daddy and I have the same taste

Turns out daddy and I have the same taste in women.

Sis is still figuring out what she wants

Sis is still figuring out what she wants out of life. I try to show her the things I enjoy.

"OK bro, why don't you come behind me for

Sometimes my sister and I get so lost in

Sometimes my sister and I get so lost in our own world we forget when mom is due back.

If I don't complain once while shopping with

If I don't complain once while shopping with mom all day, there's a reward in it back home.

I tried to give the most relaxing, platonic

I tried to give the most relaxing, platonic massage to my nephew possible. But accidents do happen.

All the smooth talk in the world can be undone

All the smooth talk in the world can be undone when your mom sees your cousin's car in the driveway.

Mom said she thought about me at work today,

Mom said she thought about me at work today, and couldn't wait to tell me about it.

"I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable,

You're not Mikey... You're my step-dad!

You're not Mikey... You're my step-dad!

Sis and I made a couple necessary detours

Sis and I made a couple necessary detours on the family camping trip.

Being alone on a Friday night isn't something

Being alone on a Friday night isn't something my sister or I can accept.

My sister and I both come home to do laundry,

My sister and I both come home to do laundry, and there's always time to kill when we do.

I'm steadily bringing my sister to the dark

I'm steadily bringing my sister to the dark side.

"Forget about her, big brother. Would that

My sister was excited when she found out

My sister was excited when she found out my girlfriend was bi.

Mom was really excited about the new master

Mom was really excited about the new master shower. Now I see why.

Funnily enough, her boyfriend ignores all

Funnily enough, her boyfriend ignores all suspicious noises when my sister responds,

The stereotypes on this are true: dating

The stereotypes on this are true: dating someone with a daughter is a package deal.

Bro's so energetic in the morning. I'm usually

Bro's so energetic in the morning. I'm usually just hanging on.

After her last exam Senior Year, sis revealed

After her last exam Senior Year, sis revealed our plans for the summer.

My step-sister is always fidgeting at the

My step-sister is always fidgeting at the dinner table.

I make sure to leave my daughter with a kiss

I make sure to leave my daughter with a kiss before she heads off on her dates.

I can't believe the things my brother is

I can't believe the things my brother is doing with our new step-mom. Or that they leave the door open.

Just as I was starting to connect with my

Just as I was starting to connect with my cousin, her parents returned home.

The shuttle driver just thought we were crazy

The shuttle driver just thought we were crazy kids on Spring Break. He must have missed the

I had mixed emotions when my sister announced

I had mixed emotions when my sister announced to her friends that I was the party favor.

With just a little rope, my sister can be

With just a little rope, my sister can be much nicer to me.

I wasn't sold on paying for the entire trip,

I wasn't sold on paying for the entire trip, until sis and her friend showed me what we could do on Spring Break.

When I started seeing her best friend, sis

When I started seeing her best friend, sis demanded to play the chaperone.

So cousin, how do you like the new bikini?

So cousin, how do you like the new bikini?

That moment when funny times with bro turn

That moment when funny times with bro turn real.

With no money for Netflix, sis and I just

With no money for Netflix, sis and I just chill.

If mom and sis fight all the time, there's

If mom and sis fight all the time, there's one thing that brings them together.

Come here, brother. Mom won't be home for

Come here, brother. Mom won't be home for hours.

"Oh, keep going kids."

My sister is encouraging at just the right

My sister is encouraging at just the right moments.

Usually, when mom tells me I've been a bad

Usually, when mom tells me I've been a bad boy, it's already pretty obvious.

"Kids, what are you up to back there?"

"I told you to quit spying on me!"

Most girls wouldn't want their little brother

Most girls wouldn't want their little brother crashing a sleepover. But he's not just my little brother.

I never imagined my sister would get a playboy

I never imagined my sister would get a playboy bunny tattoo. Or the rest.

I complained about a few injuries, and my

I complained about a few injuries, and my daughter offered to show me a relaxation technique in the shower.

My sister usually picks boring movies, but

My sister usually picks boring movies, but empty theatres.

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