"Is this appropriate for our date tonight,

Looking back, there was no way my daughter

Looking back, there was no way my daughter was going to make it out of the house on prom night.

After stressful days at the office, mom really

After stressful days at the office, mom really comes home ravenous.

While we don't have walk-ins to our all-digital

While we don't have walk-ins to our all-digital family business anymore, mom still shows up every day in her best.

My step-daughter always makes Valentines

My step-daughter always makes Valentines Day romantic, even when her mother doesn’t.

When she moved in, I didn't know grandma

When she moved in, I didn't know grandma only had one way to pay her share of the rent.

"Dunno, bro. How long do you want me to stay?"

There’s only one way to shut up my bratty

There’s only one way to shut up my bratty sister.

While mom is getting sleepy lying on the

While mom is getting sleepy lying on the beach, I’m planning out my next moves.

Mom pulled me away from the graduation party

Mom pulled me away from the graduation party early to celebrate the way we usually do.

People always ask why I smell like cocoa

People always ask why I smell like cocoa butter after visiting my aunt.

Sis is a reminder that good things come in

Sis is a reminder that good things come in tight packages.

Tall grass and a little dinghy are the only

Tall grass and a little dinghy are the only things mom and I need on vacation.

It was a cliche gift, but my sister was very

It was a cliche gift, but my sister was very thankful.

Now, to convince my sister that even thin

Now, to convince my sister that even thin tan lines aren't worth it.

Thankfully, "Must Have Pockets" is the only

Thankfully,

I've never been able to leave my sister alone

I've never been able to leave my sister alone for more than two minutes at a time.

As I've taught my sister, это наша

As I've taught my sister, это наша жопа.

Now when mom catches me peeking in the reflection,

Now when mom catches me peeking in the reflection, she just offers a better view.

Mom says it's for their own good that I'm

Mom says it's for their own good that I'm not allowed to play around with other girls.

No sightseeing today, grandma. I think we

No sightseeing today, grandma. I think we should head back to the hotel.

I suppose sis and I have both been stretching

I suppose sis and I have both been stretching things out lately.

Sis and I take Cops and Robbers to the interrogation

Sis and I take Cops and Robbers to the interrogation stage.

I don't really have insights into women's

I don't really have insights into women's fashion, but it's a good enough excuse for the invitation into mom's closet.

I spend a month at grandma's every winter

I spend a month at grandma's every winter not just for her tasty cookies, but buns too.

I am always ready to help my aunt jump start

I am always ready to help my aunt jump start her film career.

I don't mind taking a backseat on vacation.

I don't mind taking a backseat on vacation. Sis always leads us somewhere fun.

I work on my dad’s car in exchange for

I work on my dad’s car in exchange for being allowed to drive it when I want. Sis isn’t so mechanically inclined.

Mom’s duck face is the only kind I approve

Mom’s duck face is the only kind I approve of.

Sis is a big believer in the "save a horse"

Sis is a big believer in the

Mom stares at her phone as much as any girl

Mom stares at her phone as much as any girl my age. But she does put out more.

Helping mom in the kitchen has never meant

Helping mom in the kitchen has never meant what my dad assumed.

I never minded an early bedtime when my cousin

I never minded an early bedtime when my cousin was staying over.

Mom knows how to get help with folding on

Mom knows how to get help with folding on laundry day.

Sis has been pushing a new cardio regime

Sis has been pushing a new cardio regime for weeks now. But I think I’m finally coming around.

With the rest of the family gone today, mom

With the rest of the family gone today, mom and I can get back to our normal routine.

When sis gets bored clubbing, I'm usually

When sis gets bored clubbing, I'm usually the beneficiary.

Part of my daughter’s wardrobe she knows

Part of my daughter’s wardrobe she knows she’s not allowed to wear in public. And that’s both our favorite part.

Got an early look at my aunt’s Halloween

Got an early look at my aunt’s Halloween costume this year. It’s the bomb.

If I ever hold back on something my daughter

If I ever hold back on something my daughter wants, she gets all pouty.

Before any road trip, I check to make sure

Before any road trip, I check to make sure my daughter is ready for the long, hot hours in the car.

Having an Instagram-perfect kitchen means

Having an Instagram-perfect kitchen means that sis always wants to stay for breakfast.

Mom knows my tastes perfectly.

Mom knows my tastes perfectly.

They say, if you can dream it, you can do

They say, if you can dream it, you can do it. Well I've had plenty of dreams about mom in a bikini.

When I got home from school mom confronted

When I got home from school mom confronted me about the milf porn on my laptop, and she knew there was only one way to find out the truth.

Interviewing at the family business was more

Interviewing at the family business was more of a formality anyway.

It’s the day after Thanksgiving. The cable

It’s the day after Thanksgiving. The cable is still out at grandma’s. And for once I’ve barely noticed.

Sis isn't the best at hiding, but luckily

Sis isn't the best at hiding, but luckily mom has yet to come in my room while talking.

Page previous Page next

Advertisments

Search