Thanks for coming to see me dance, cousin!

Thanks for coming to see me dance, cousin! Maybe I could show you some of my moves back at the hotel?

Mom's started calling me a natural producer.

Mom's started calling me a natural producer.

My son had a very specific way of breaking

My son had a very specific way of breaking in our new condo.

Since my daughter returned from college,

Since my daughter returned from college, our little

Can you believe it--your father is working

Can you believe it--your father is working on our anniversary!! That means you're up tonight, son.

Mom gets more snuggly after a few glasses

Mom gets more snuggly after a few glasses of wine.

Daddy sneaks in a kiss AND a finger before

Daddy sneaks in a kiss AND a finger before I head out with my friends.

Sis and I are constantly aligning our chakras.

Sis and I are constantly aligning our chakras.

My niece lost her bet me... damn right I

My niece lost her bet me... damn right I collected

Mum the tease

Mum the tease

I think sometimes mom forgets I'm home

I think sometimes mom forgets I'm home

The teasing never stops between my sister

The teasing never stops between my sister and me. It only gets more interesting.

Do you wanna join me in the hammock, Daddy?

Do you wanna join me in the hammock, Daddy?

I felt a sense of urgency as soon as I saw

I felt a sense of urgency as soon as I saw mom floating beside our boat.

Mom doesn't sunbathe as much as taunt me.

Mom doesn't sunbathe as much as taunt me.

"Cool story, son. You want to do this, or

Mommy's teaching me how to properly give

Mommy's teaching me how to properly give head.

She's not a genius, but my sister learned

She's not a genius, but my sister learned the basics at school: smile and know your audience.

Over the years, we've learned that my sister

Over the years, we've learned that my sister and I are almost perfect compliments.

When dad's out of the house, mom's not afraid

When dad's out of the house, mom's not afraid to cuddle without bounds.

My aunt never wants to stay long at night

My aunt never wants to stay long at night clubs.

I barely get through the door before my aunt

I barely get through the door before my aunt drops and mouths my cock

Sometimes mom can look incredibly sexy

Sometimes mom can look incredibly sexy

Mom seemed a bit upset, so I offered to cheer

Mom seemed a bit upset, so I offered to cheer her up the only way I know.

I cancelled all my meetings and headed home

I cancelled all my meetings and headed home when mom sent me this picture from my apartment.

Mom still thinks my sheets are goofy. But

Mom still thinks my sheets are goofy. But she doesn't mind sleeping in them.

On my last island vacation with mom, "just

On my last island vacation with mom,

Being well-endowed can attract all sorts

Being well-endowed can attract all sorts of female attention. Even at home.

Turns out my sister and I have the favorite

Turns out my sister and I have the favorite snapchat filter.

Mom seemed a little apprehensive when getting

Mom seemed a little apprehensive when getting into my bed.

Mom promised me something special this Valentine's

Mom promised me something special this Valentine's Day. I just didn't know how special until I arrived.

How about a kiss, bro.

How about a kiss, bro.

My daughter never hides how she feels around

My daughter never hides how she feels around me.

Mom gives much better wake-ups when dad's

Mom gives much better wake-ups when dad's out of town.

This was mom's idea of sending me a subtle

This was mom's idea of sending me a subtle hint

Mom comes home early from her parties when

Mom comes home early from her parties when she really wants to stay up late.

I fly for free because my mom is a stewardess.

I fly for free because my mom is a stewardess. And there's always a reason to get away.

"Here, take a picture to jerk off to later.

It turns out my aunt is an excellent teacher.

It turns out my aunt is an excellent teacher.

Those lazy pool days with my sister really

Those lazy pool days with my sister really were the best.

"Your father still isn't back...how about

Mom covers up just enough for the nosy neighbors.

Mom covers up just enough for the nosy neighbors. Damn them.

It's always worth visiting my sister out

It's always worth visiting my sister out in LA.

Our old computer used to crash so often that

Our old computer used to crash so often that mom and I had to find a way to pass the time.

Shh, my son still doesn't know I planned

Shh, my son still doesn't know I planned this to get him in a hotel room alone.

Mom wouldn't let me go on another tour a

Mom wouldn't let me go on another tour a virgin.

I hope you're hungry honey

I hope you're hungry honey

Our sense of humour runs in the family. (via

Our sense of humour runs in the family. (via r/FamilyPlan)

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