My aunt couldn't wait to see how much I'd

My aunt couldn't wait to see how much I'd grown.

When mom tries to sneak home early Sunday

When mom tries to sneak home early Sunday morning, bro and I have a price for our silence.

I can't take a moment's nap on vacation without

I can't take a moment's nap on vacation without waking to find my horndog son pestering his mother.

Jokes are a good distraction when I forget

Jokes are a good distraction when I forget a promise I made to my sister.

Bro can't turn down a birthday wish.

Bro can't turn down a birthday wish.

Pool's closed, brother. What do you want

Pool's closed, brother. What do you want to do instead?

Sis can tease me about my kinks all she likes,

Sis can tease me about my kinks all she likes, as long as she's down to try them.

Sis can be excruciatingly slow at times.

Sis can be excruciatingly slow at times.

Luckily, my other sister is a heavy sleeper.

Luckily, my other sister is a heavy sleeper.

My aunt knows the proper way to greet a man

My aunt knows the proper way to greet a man after a long journey.

Sis has been a lot nicer to me since she

Sis has been a lot nicer to me since she broke up with her boyfriend.

I think mom imagined a nice, quiet weekend

I think mom imagined a nice, quiet weekend alone with me. I was a bit too excited for that.

My sister says the first rule of yoga is

My sister says the first rule of yoga is to relax. I said there's only one way I can really do that.

"You wanna do what, big brother?"

There's nothing cozier than a night in with

There's nothing cozier than a night in with my aunt.

My daughter is still getting used to her

My daughter is still getting used to her new role now that her mother is gone.

Since I drive my sister to the beach, we

Since I drive my sister to the beach, we make one stop before hitting the water.

Daddy has some funny rules for his hot tub.

Daddy has some funny rules for his hot tub.

I love when mom brings home someone new.

I love when mom brings home someone new.

My sister's roughousing has gotten more specific

My sister's roughousing has gotten more specific of late.

Sometimes, when you've been wanting something

Sometimes, when you've been wanting something from your sister for so long, it pays to just ask.

"So, these erections come often when you're

Sis is ever thankful of my service to the

Sis is ever thankful of my service to the nation.

The moment I stepped out of the shower, mom

The moment I stepped out of the shower, mom let me know the real reason for our trip.

My step-sister and I don't waste an empty

My step-sister and I don't waste an empty house.

When I said that Easter egg hunts were childish,

When I said that Easter egg hunts were childish, my sister convinced me otherwise.

Sis always finds her Easter eggs.

Sis always finds her Easter eggs.

Mom peeks on the neighbors. And then comes

Mom peeks on the neighbors. And then comes to tell me about it.

After a fancy dinner, mom begged to finish

After a fancy dinner, mom begged to finish V-Day like anyone else would.

My Aunt is always a welcome sight in the

My Aunt is always a welcome sight in the morning.

Mommy gives me a special kiss before sending

Mommy gives me a special kiss before sending me off to class in the morning.

The things it takes to get my aunt to say,

The things it takes to get my aunt to say,

Sis and I are too lazy to have done the laundry.

Sis and I are too lazy to have done the laundry. But the detergent smell sells it.

Did you want next after bro, daddy?

Did you want next after bro, daddy?

My step-sister accepts that I can't watch

My step-sister accepts that I can't watch romantic movies without an outlet.

Daddy always makes room on the couch.

Daddy always makes room on the couch.

Sis asked so many questions in Sex Ed class

Sis asked so many questions in Sex Ed class that our teacher asked me to stay behind, too.

Compliments from my aunt just mean more to

Compliments from my aunt just mean more to me.

Sis doesn't enjoy every favor she does me.

Sis doesn't enjoy every favor she does me.

Mom and I know how to spend a weeknight.

Mom and I know how to spend a weeknight.

Working at my aunt's start-up means taking

Working at my aunt's start-up means taking non-cash bonuses.

I didn't realize how much I'd missed being

I didn't realize how much I'd missed being home until I got back.

If I pester my sister enough, she'll usually

If I pester my sister enough, she'll usually give in.

Treat your mom to the Hilton for Valentine's,

Treat your mom to the Hilton for Valentine's, and there's no telling what she'll do.

I'll admit, my son has an enthusiasm I'm

I'll admit, my son has an enthusiasm I'm not used to.

I bring mom more than lunch at work.

I bring mom more than lunch at work.

I've still got a few surprises up my sleeve

I've still got a few surprises up my sleeve for my sister.

When the show's over but mom wants to thank

When the show's over but mom wants to thank the supporting cast.

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